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Letters For My Former Loves: The Artist

Updated: Sep 3, 2020


Going under, cast a spell, just say the word

 

Clubbing days are behind me, but I was much into the scene when I first met you. Through a mutual friend, we were heading out for the night, just to go dancing and have some fun. Little did I know that our friend would go on his own way, and we would end up dancing together. What seemed fun and careless at first didn’t become much afterwards – we ended up getting kissed by other people. What an interesting night, it was pleasant to meet you. The next day, you messaged me, and said some thing that caught my attention, something along the lines of you wanting to kiss me… I was easily infatuated with you. Our first date was one beautiful mess, as it was all over the place. Soaking wet from the rain, I find you at a small table, smiling at me once I entered the room. The restaurant was small, but the food was amazing; you even paid for lunch, which was really sweet. You even agreed to go to yoga with my friend afterwards (I soon realized that I wasn’t that flexible). We ended that day shopping for groceries, having our first kiss walking towards the store. I didn’t want that day to end, I wanted more of you.

Summertime was fun, despite both of us working and you studying throughout the semester – we made things happen. You were learning about computer graphics, wanting to create your own video games – you were such an artist. I was still figuring out what I wanted to do with school, transitioning from one place to another. There was one time I had to wake up early, but I found myself rushing throughout the door to go hiking with your friends. You managed to find your way before I could get to your friend’s place, and I was profusely apologizing to you and your friends for arriving late. We sang along to some songs in the car, with you having your solo moments with that K-Pop music. This was the first time that I had gone on a hike, and did not know what to expect. For most of the hike, we were together, and had a decent time reaching the top (under 90 minutes, at least). Your friends were such great people, and I enjoyed getting to know them, alongside with you. My friends also enjoyed your company, even my cousins, while my parents were being difficult to please. My mother only mentioned about a song that you sang when we were at my house, calling it ‘inappropriate;’ she was a though one. But I didn’t care what my mother said, I was falling for you…

Needing to see you was becoming my problem. Pride week came, and it was your first time to experience the festivities. There were times I couldn’t sleep, having to distract myself from thinking of the worst-case scenarios when you would go clubbing. When we went out for Pride, we were dancing in the club for hours. I just wanted a kiss from you, but all you would give is a peck on the lips. While you were gone, I danced with someone else, getting really close to them. With you not around, that’s when I decided to start making out with this stranger – looking around, you were not in sight, and so I got their phone number… You messaged me a few minutes later, saying you saw everything from up above. Much as I wanted to apologize to you, you ran away from me. Next day, I heard that you were moving on with other people (some that I knew very closely). It would be about two weeks before we would go out for dinner as my way asking for your forgiveness. We kept the talk general until we got back to your place, having a moment to talk about how we felt. We were not on the same level, as we thought we were in different stages of our relationship. You messaged me the next day, saying you left your wallet in my car. So I came to your place to return the wallet, and was about to leave until you asked me to stay. Next thing you know, we are making out on your bed. I was confused by your motives, but didn’t question anything… So we were together again, but only for the moment. I appreciate the time you took to meet my sister, and getting closer to my family in a different way. But maybe I had different plans from what you were thinking. I didn’t expect that night after the beach where you would end things –  that caught me off guard. That moment was when I felt the closest to you. You said that you were a bad person; I didn’t want to believe you. But you knew that we were not meant to be together. I was sad for a while, and then got angry, trying to find ways to get you back…

Four years have passed by, and I haven’t heard much from you. You found yourself in a new relationship quickly, someone you met during that Pride week… The last time I saw you was at our friend’s graduation. We both changed, and we didn’t need to say anything to each other. With one last goodbye, you looked nervous, and I hugged you with, “It was nice seeing you again.” Not exactly the closure I needed, but then again I didn’t know what I wanted from you. You agreed to talk about the break-up, but I got upset when I heard that you would be seeing your new love afterwards – I just wanted the perfect closure. If one thing’s right, you were right to break up with me. I thought that love would be like a fairytale, where you just know who is the one for you. But I learned that love takes time, that there is no need to rush in to things. The masterpiece that you create becomes beautiful when you put thought and effort into those passions. My artist, things may have not ended well, but I wish you all of the successes you can achieve. You’ve had your rough moments – now it’s time to shine.



Sincerely,

The  Rational


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