Love can make you feel all kinds of things: sadness, anger, pain... sometimes, it even makes you crazy. My experiences have made me feel every emotion from falling in love - at least, that's what I call it. If I have learnt anything about love, it's that it takes a lot of dedication, as each one is unique. This series showcase a love letter for my former loves, the people I adored at one point in time... Love is a many splendored thing, ain't it?
You're stuck in my head, stuck in my heart, stuck in my body
Just out of nowhere, you showed up. We were at a party, welcoming the New Year with our mutual friends, gathered by a hot pot - that was delicious. There was something about you that I couldn't figure out, but I knew that I was interested in you. I had to leave the party early, as I usually count down with my family - but I didn't want to leave. You walked me out the door, and even gave me a hug; I definitely wanted to see you again. The best thing about seeing you again was that I didn't have to wait too long. The next day, the New Year, we went out for lunch and a Mandarin film. I felt confident to hold your hand in the cinema, and even cuddling with you as the film progressed. At the end of our date, you drove me back to my car, we hugged once more, and thankfully I was brave enough to lean over and give you a kiss. Everything about that date was a pleasant surprise.
Having mutual friends, it was easy to see you, but harder to have those private moments. The one time you stopped by, we were on the bed, cuddling and kissing in a corner. Not that anyone else would say anything, but I'm sure someone saw us while they were watching YouTube videos. It was comforting to be with you, even if it was for a short amount of time. I even remember the time we got confused meeting up lunch, where I got to the restaurant too early, and you had to rush your way to the other side of town. The restaurant was very accommodating, and we had a wonderful time together - everything seemed to be going so well.
Going to school that time, I sent you a message as I usually do. We haven't seen each other in a while, and would text as our main form of communication. Settling down into my lecture seat, I read the message you sent, the one that read how you're not ready to be in a relationship. Although I shouldn't have been surprised, I was still upset by that message. With online dating, you could have been seeing other people, for all I know - but that doesn't make you a bad person. One of my friends asked me about you, and that's where I got the sense of whatever we had wasn't going to last long. Know that I wasn't mad at you, but online dating was just a mess, and it still is to this day. You were also looking for work, where you eventually moved to the other side of the country. We saw each other once before you left, but that felt rushed - I was getting sour about how much time I was spending with you. There was a part of me that still wanted you, but you have already moved on.
The relationship taught me that it's okay to be curious, and finding out what you want in a partner. You wanted someone that can make you laugh all the time; I'm still figuring out what I want in a partner. I hope you find all that you're looking in that person, and that you continue to find out what makes you love that someone. I have found the confidence I needed for myself, knowing when to take a chance, no matter the risks. So to the curious one, may your adventures of relationships be a thrill for you.
Sincerely,
The Rebel
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